I have travelled the globe (and all I got was this lousy t-shirt).

So the Grand Schnuppa feels it would be good to update you all on what he has been doing over the last 3 years (though he is sure that for you, without his guidance, it has felt like interminable aeons).
Well first of all the Grand Schnuppa has taken a wife. The Mrs G.S. is as formidable and awe inspiring a woman as you would expect such a man as the G.S. to choose and that being said he has only nice things to say about her (mainly cause she is the only thing other than flan that the G.S. is scared of). She has one flaw and that is that she hails from some small, somewhat backward nation known as Americania.
Americania is not a bad place, there are some very pretty mountains, however it does have issues. For starters it appears that they stop teaching children how to speak and spell when they are approximately 20 months old. The result of this is that no adults have successfully mastered the English language, words such as y'all and bizarre accents are prevalent to such an extent that they can't even pronounce the letter Z correctly. Also for all of you Americanise out there the letter U is in the spelling of many words, please use it. The Grand Schnuppa has decided that the best course of action is to relocate his official residency to Americania in order to try and deal with some of these issues.
The other thing Grand Schnuppa has decided on is that his rise to power would probably be based launch through the medium of a grass roots movement. The G.S. has always been a man of the people, though marked for greatness from an early age he has not lost the common touch. That being said the G.S. has taken up farming as the most logical place to start a grass roots movement is probably the middle of a field of grass.

Honey I'm home!

So it's been about 3 years since the Grand Schnuppa regaled you with stories of his adventures or bestowed upon the World his wisdom and guidance. The G.S. would like to be able to excuse his absence with some credible reason but the truth is that he just couldn't be bothered communicating with people who are frankly not often worth the effort.

Having said that though the Grand Schnuppa has looked around, surveying his dominion and has passed judgement on society. What a flipping mess! Seriously people what are you playing at? Is that really how your mothers raised you?

So the Grand Schnuppa in his benevolent wisdom and with great humility has decided to re-enter the blogosphere with its many sordid and torrid qualities in order to somehow show you all exactly what you are doing wrong and what you should be doing about it. So be prepared over the next few weeks for some more posts and be prepared to listen or so help me I will pull this car over!

Conquering the World

The Grand Schnuppa has a plan: start small and work your way up. It is quite clear that the World would be a better place with the Grand Schnuppa in charge but the question is how do we achieve this? The answer is simple instead of attempting to conquer the large and powerful countries: Russia, Britain, China, Sweden, etc. invade the smallest, least significant country you can find. Then having conquered them with a small group of mates one weekend use the combined military strength of their army and your mates to conquer the second smallest country you can find the next week, do the third smallest country the following weekend and so. The Grand Schnuppa estimates that by this time next year he will be annexing some quite sizable central Asian republics. If you add in the fact that you can conquer France anytime you fancy (Cheese eating surrender monkeys) then pretty soon the Grand Schnuppa will rule the World.

The Grnad Schnuppa's list of countries to invade over the next three months are:

1. Nauru
2. Tuvalu
3. Liechtenstein
4. Marshall Islands
5. Saint Kitts and Nevis
6. Seychelles
7. Maldives
8. Grenada
9. Saint Vincent and the Grenadines
10. Barbados
11. Antigua and Barbuda
12. Andorra

If you are interested in joining the Grand Schnuppa's first invasion party or would like to send financial support please leave your name and contact details in the comment section of this post.

Con-fuss-u-lation

The grand Schnuppa is confused. Yesterday started as any other day with the Grand Schnuppa mildly oversleeping before arising and going about his humble existence. As the Grand Schnuppa is a diligent sort he proceed to the university library. As you may have gathered from previous posts this is not a location that usual provides a sense of peace and tranquility for the the Grand Schnuppa. However in roughly 6.5 hours not one single person annoyed, irritated, frustrated, irked, vexed, angered or otherwise hindered the Grand Schnuppa's enjoyment of the day. In fact its been about 48 hours since anyone did anything to piss the Grand Schnuppa off.

This is unnerving the Grand Schnuppa, with so many stupid people in the World how has it been so long since he was given just cause to express his righteous indignation. Is the World luring him into a false sense of security only to smack him unexpectedly with a huge blow of irritation.

Well the Grand Schnuppa would like to take this opportunity to tell the World to do its worse! He will be prepared, no matter how cunning this planet attempts to be it will never outfox the superior intellect and Machiavellian abilities of the Grand Schnuppa!!

Mwuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha!
(Evil genius laugh)

Koala is giving a lecture

A koala is giving a lecture.

Professor walks in with his briefcase and a pile of notes.

Gets up to lectern, stops suddenly and realises that Koala is giving lecture.

Koala calmly turns and asks: "Can I help you?"

Professor says: "Sorry but aren't I supposed to be giving this lecture."

Koala says: "No, 3:00pm, room 234, Anthropology and Greek myths, lecturer: Koala. Is what is on the timetable."

Professor says: "Oh, sorry."

Professor dejectedly walks out.

So much anger so little blog

The Grand Schnuppa is angry, yet is unsure as to quite why he feels such emotion.

There is a lot in the everyday of the existence of the Grand Schnuppa that gives him cause to feel rage. In this post he will attempt to exam the key issues:

1 - There are several morons in his class. They are mostly from a sub-human group known as polishing and jangleism students, or something similar. The Grand Schnuppa is a big fan of academic discussion and debate but when fools who are not even aware of the basic premises of the topic come up with comments that would quite frankly embarrass a dim-witted 7 year old spaniel then it is time to sit quietly and let the grown ups get on with it in peace. As the Grand Schnuppa's mother taught him if you don't have anything sensible to say then don't say anything.

2 - People who think 3mm of snow is in some way a hindrance to leading a normal life. Snow can be dangerous, it can cause travel difficulties but not when it is basically a hard frost, you live in Scotland and you live in a city with good public transport links. Get off you ass, suck it up and get on with your torrid existence people. Grrrr!

3 - Security guards. I won't go into details but basically you wouldn't need trained monkeys to replace them, untrained monkeys would be more than adequate.

4 - Student elections, sigh! Unless Mugabe is running against Pol Pot and General Pinochet I sorry but I really don't care. Stop bothering the Grand Schnuppa when all he wants is a coffee and a computer to sit and do some work at.

The Grand Schnuppa will now embark on a period of quiet reflection and meditation in order to cleanse his inner-shakra of these negative opinions. Failing that he will cheer himself up my imagining his nemesis the Hawsaw being punched in the face. Ahh, soothing!

Library

Today the Grand Schnuppa is in the library. A place of peace and tranquility were the G.S. can immerse himself in some serious academic fervor. However the so called library that the G.S. has decided to bless with his presences is quite frankly a joke, its more Mickey Mouse than a cheese lovers convention, held in Disneyland and attended only by people dressed as large cartoon mice.

The following things are unacceptable in the G.S.'s view:

1 - The automatic door that every time it opens sounds like an elephant attempting to pass the World's largest kidney stone.
2 - The librarians who on mass (about 7 of them) are all in stacks behind the G.S. and from the noises they are making appear to be building some sort of car. Its a library - your librarians - so shut up.
3 - The freshers are in. They are not doing anything in particular its just freshers as a general rule annoy the G.S. Pesky Kids!

The Grand Schnuppa will let you know when he has decided what cause of action to take in order to address this intolerable situation.