The Grand Schnuppa has a plan: start small and work your way up. It is quite clear that the World would be a better place with the Grand Schnuppa in charge but the question is how do we achieve this? The answer is simple instead of attempting to conquer the large and powerful countries: Russia, Britain, China, Sweden, etc. invade the smallest, least significant country you can find. Then having conquered them with a small group of mates one weekend use the combined military strength of their army and your mates to conquer the second smallest country you can find the next week, do the third smallest country the following weekend and so. The Grand Schnuppa estimates that by this time next year he will be annexing some quite sizable central Asian republics. If you add in the fact that you can conquer France anytime you fancy (Cheese eating surrender monkeys) then pretty soon the Grand Schnuppa will rule the World.
The Grnad Schnuppa's list of countries to invade over the next three months are:
1. Nauru
2. Tuvalu
3. Liechtenstein
4. Marshall Islands
5. Saint Kitts and Nevis
6. Seychelles
7. Maldives
8. Grenada
9. Saint Vincent and the Grenadines
10. Barbados
11. Antigua and Barbuda
12. Andorra
If you are interested in joining the Grand Schnuppa's first invasion party or would like to send financial support please leave your name and contact details in the comment section of this post.
Wednesday 18 February 2009
Con-fuss-u-lation
The grand Schnuppa is confused. Yesterday started as any other day with the Grand Schnuppa mildly oversleeping before arising and going about his humble existence. As the Grand Schnuppa is a diligent sort he proceed to the university library. As you may have gathered from previous posts this is not a location that usual provides a sense of peace and tranquility for the the Grand Schnuppa. However in roughly 6.5 hours not one single person annoyed, irritated, frustrated, irked, vexed, angered or otherwise hindered the Grand Schnuppa's enjoyment of the day. In fact its been about 48 hours since anyone did anything to piss the Grand Schnuppa off.
This is unnerving the Grand Schnuppa, with so many stupid people in the World how has it been so long since he was given just cause to express his righteous indignation. Is the World luring him into a false sense of security only to smack him unexpectedly with a huge blow of irritation.
Well the Grand Schnuppa would like to take this opportunity to tell the World to do its worse! He will be prepared, no matter how cunning this planet attempts to be it will never outfox the superior intellect and Machiavellian abilities of the Grand Schnuppa!!
Mwuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha!
(Evil genius laugh)
This is unnerving the Grand Schnuppa, with so many stupid people in the World how has it been so long since he was given just cause to express his righteous indignation. Is the World luring him into a false sense of security only to smack him unexpectedly with a huge blow of irritation.
Well the Grand Schnuppa would like to take this opportunity to tell the World to do its worse! He will be prepared, no matter how cunning this planet attempts to be it will never outfox the superior intellect and Machiavellian abilities of the Grand Schnuppa!!
Mwuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha!
(Evil genius laugh)
Thursday 12 February 2009
Koala is giving a lecture
A koala is giving a lecture.
Professor walks in with his briefcase and a pile of notes.
Gets up to lectern, stops suddenly and realises that Koala is giving lecture.
Koala calmly turns and asks: "Can I help you?"
Professor says: "Sorry but aren't I supposed to be giving this lecture."
Koala says: "No, 3:00pm, room 234, Anthropology and Greek myths, lecturer: Koala. Is what is on the timetable."
Professor says: "Oh, sorry."
Professor dejectedly walks out.
Professor walks in with his briefcase and a pile of notes.
Gets up to lectern, stops suddenly and realises that Koala is giving lecture.
Koala calmly turns and asks: "Can I help you?"
Professor says: "Sorry but aren't I supposed to be giving this lecture."
Koala says: "No, 3:00pm, room 234, Anthropology and Greek myths, lecturer: Koala. Is what is on the timetable."
Professor says: "Oh, sorry."
Professor dejectedly walks out.
So much anger so little blog
The Grand Schnuppa is angry, yet is unsure as to quite why he feels such emotion.
There is a lot in the everyday of the existence of the Grand Schnuppa that gives him cause to feel rage. In this post he will attempt to exam the key issues:
1 - There are several morons in his class. They are mostly from a sub-human group known as polishing and jangleism students, or something similar. The Grand Schnuppa is a big fan of academic discussion and debate but when fools who are not even aware of the basic premises of the topic come up with comments that would quite frankly embarrass a dim-witted 7 year old spaniel then it is time to sit quietly and let the grown ups get on with it in peace. As the Grand Schnuppa's mother taught him if you don't have anything sensible to say then don't say anything.
2 - People who think 3mm of snow is in some way a hindrance to leading a normal life. Snow can be dangerous, it can cause travel difficulties but not when it is basically a hard frost, you live in Scotland and you live in a city with good public transport links. Get off you ass, suck it up and get on with your torrid existence people. Grrrr!
3 - Security guards. I won't go into details but basically you wouldn't need trained monkeys to replace them, untrained monkeys would be more than adequate.
4 - Student elections, sigh! Unless Mugabe is running against Pol Pot and General Pinochet I sorry but I really don't care. Stop bothering the Grand Schnuppa when all he wants is a coffee and a computer to sit and do some work at.
The Grand Schnuppa will now embark on a period of quiet reflection and meditation in order to cleanse his inner-shakra of these negative opinions. Failing that he will cheer himself up my imagining his nemesis the Hawsaw being punched in the face. Ahh, soothing!
There is a lot in the everyday of the existence of the Grand Schnuppa that gives him cause to feel rage. In this post he will attempt to exam the key issues:
1 - There are several morons in his class. They are mostly from a sub-human group known as polishing and jangleism students, or something similar. The Grand Schnuppa is a big fan of academic discussion and debate but when fools who are not even aware of the basic premises of the topic come up with comments that would quite frankly embarrass a dim-witted 7 year old spaniel then it is time to sit quietly and let the grown ups get on with it in peace. As the Grand Schnuppa's mother taught him if you don't have anything sensible to say then don't say anything.
2 - People who think 3mm of snow is in some way a hindrance to leading a normal life. Snow can be dangerous, it can cause travel difficulties but not when it is basically a hard frost, you live in Scotland and you live in a city with good public transport links. Get off you ass, suck it up and get on with your torrid existence people. Grrrr!
3 - Security guards. I won't go into details but basically you wouldn't need trained monkeys to replace them, untrained monkeys would be more than adequate.
4 - Student elections, sigh! Unless Mugabe is running against Pol Pot and General Pinochet I sorry but I really don't care. Stop bothering the Grand Schnuppa when all he wants is a coffee and a computer to sit and do some work at.
The Grand Schnuppa will now embark on a period of quiet reflection and meditation in order to cleanse his inner-shakra of these negative opinions. Failing that he will cheer himself up my imagining his nemesis the Hawsaw being punched in the face. Ahh, soothing!
Wednesday 11 February 2009
Library
Today the Grand Schnuppa is in the library. A place of peace and tranquility were the G.S. can immerse himself in some serious academic fervor. However the so called library that the G.S. has decided to bless with his presences is quite frankly a joke, its more Mickey Mouse than a cheese lovers convention, held in Disneyland and attended only by people dressed as large cartoon mice.
The following things are unacceptable in the G.S.'s view:
1 - The automatic door that every time it opens sounds like an elephant attempting to pass the World's largest kidney stone.
2 - The librarians who on mass (about 7 of them) are all in stacks behind the G.S. and from the noises they are making appear to be building some sort of car. Its a library - your librarians - so shut up.
3 - The freshers are in. They are not doing anything in particular its just freshers as a general rule annoy the G.S. Pesky Kids!
The Grand Schnuppa will let you know when he has decided what cause of action to take in order to address this intolerable situation.
The following things are unacceptable in the G.S.'s view:
1 - The automatic door that every time it opens sounds like an elephant attempting to pass the World's largest kidney stone.
2 - The librarians who on mass (about 7 of them) are all in stacks behind the G.S. and from the noises they are making appear to be building some sort of car. Its a library - your librarians - so shut up.
3 - The freshers are in. They are not doing anything in particular its just freshers as a general rule annoy the G.S. Pesky Kids!
The Grand Schnuppa will let you know when he has decided what cause of action to take in order to address this intolerable situation.
Professor is giving a lecture - 1
Professor is giving a lecture.
A delivery man comes in with a large crate on a trolley.
"Can you sign for this please."
Professor signs for package and then proceeds to open the crate with a crowbar.
Out jumps a mail order Thai bride.
Lecture looks round sheepishly at the class of students and says:
"Oh its not for me, i order it for a friend, honest."
Class as one shake their heads in despair.
A delivery man comes in with a large crate on a trolley.
"Can you sign for this please."
Professor signs for package and then proceeds to open the crate with a crowbar.
Out jumps a mail order Thai bride.
Lecture looks round sheepishly at the class of students and says:
"Oh its not for me, i order it for a friend, honest."
Class as one shake their heads in despair.
Tuesday 10 February 2009
Professor is giving a lecture
Hi
In this section of posts the Grand Schnuppa would like to introduce any students out there to a great tool of procrastination and subversion. The premise is simple; imagine a lecture, imagine a boring lecture, imagine a mind-numbingly boring professor, now imagine the most random thing you can think of happening to that professor, now tell that thing to someone else. For example
A professor is giving a lecture.
The sailor, biker, builder and native american from the Village People walk in carrying a policeman's outfit.
They walk to the professor and in unison declare: "It's just not the same without you, you have to come back."
Professor leaves with Village People and re-embarks on a music career.
Students life long and productive lives without ever caring that they missed the rest of that one lecture on Post-modern culture.
It seems weird but i promise you that if you let your imagination run free like a gazelle on the savanna not only will you have fun but you will spend the rest of your time in lectures just waiting and praying for something interesting to actually happen.
In this section of posts the Grand Schnuppa would like to introduce any students out there to a great tool of procrastination and subversion. The premise is simple; imagine a lecture, imagine a boring lecture, imagine a mind-numbingly boring professor, now imagine the most random thing you can think of happening to that professor, now tell that thing to someone else. For example
A professor is giving a lecture.
The sailor, biker, builder and native american from the Village People walk in carrying a policeman's outfit.
They walk to the professor and in unison declare: "It's just not the same without you, you have to come back."
Professor leaves with Village People and re-embarks on a music career.
Students life long and productive lives without ever caring that they missed the rest of that one lecture on Post-modern culture.
It seems weird but i promise you that if you let your imagination run free like a gazelle on the savanna not only will you have fun but you will spend the rest of your time in lectures just waiting and praying for something interesting to actually happen.
Welcome
Hello
Welcome to the inner dialogue and associated rants of the Grand Schnuppa. Though a fun loving individual the Grand Schnuppa is often oppressed and frustrated by the hurly burly of the modern World and the various morons who co-exist alongside us regular humans. In this blog you will often encounter the righteous anger of the Grand Schnuppa directed towards these people but there will also be words of peace and wisdom for all those who do their uttermost not to annoy him. So please enjoy.
Welcome to the inner dialogue and associated rants of the Grand Schnuppa. Though a fun loving individual the Grand Schnuppa is often oppressed and frustrated by the hurly burly of the modern World and the various morons who co-exist alongside us regular humans. In this blog you will often encounter the righteous anger of the Grand Schnuppa directed towards these people but there will also be words of peace and wisdom for all those who do their uttermost not to annoy him. So please enjoy.
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